.. I sit here, listening to Ryan Farish's CD. I truly have no meaning to my existance. Then again, how the hell does anyone expect to put meaning behind it all? We may be different, but in form we are all the same. We're all made of the same organic material; have our own fears, hopes, dreams. What if this really is all there is? We live for a while, we die, and thats it. Nothing after that. Absolute nothing. Then again, if that is so, its even scarier that we'll never know it. We'll be nothing, and we won't even know it. That terrifies me.
.. However, maybe, maybe this is just the effect on the atheism of the vampires in Anne Rice's novels. I don't think even one of them even clings to the idea of a supreme being. Then again, how do they even know? They're immortals, yes, but its the demon inside them each that makes them strong; Gives them such a detachment and such a lust for blood. They're wise from age, from experience.. and I suppose in such a point of desperation, such a point in which they lose all belief, that God becomes non-existant. I still believe in God. Does that make me as deluded as I say I am? Or am I truly right in my beliefs? Maybe I'll know someday. And maybe I won't ever know. Maybe none of us ever will.
